#HMBlog: Pete Davidson scolds University of Central Florida students over their filming during his show.
Screenshot from YouTube user Jade Campbell
Pete Davidson has had a tough go the past few years. He was suicidal over his break up with Ariana Grande, felt the fallout from a joke about Congressman Dan Crenshaw and his war injury and most recently he scolded some UCF kids this past weekend over filming on their phones when there was a strict no-cellphone rule.
“That’s what’s fucked up. You were the one filming. That’s right, we’re embarrassing. That’s why the world is going to end in 25 years because you’re all fucking retarded. I meant it that way, idiots. You should fucking grow up. It says no phones. … You’re just supposed to just like behave. I have to have my boy patrol you guys like you’re 5 years old? That’s fucking embarrassing.
You should grow up. Where’s the next generation? … Don’t you want your parents to be proud of you? … Now we’ll continue.”
Ironically, some student got the scolding on video and uploaded it to YouTube:
Many comedians have decided not to perform for college students anymore. Jerry Seinfeld has advised fellow funny-people to avoid campuses altogether. Aside from some hurt feelings from the kids who took to Twitter the real problem emerged, Pete used the “R WORD” which has become a big time no-no. Tom Segura faced severe backlash for using the word during his last special “Disgraceful” (which was fantastic & if you’re a comedy fan you should check it out).
The University of Central Florida put out a statement in they found the event “disappointing”:
“Mr. Davidson’s abusive language, particularly his use of a derogatory slur, is contrary to the University of Central Florida’s values of inclusion and respect for all. It’s disappointing that his rant spoiled an event that was meant to welcome students back for the fall semester.”
So, I think you can expect some heat to head Pete’s way over a word with a dictionary entry that actually means something & not so much for him calling a bunch of brats “brats”. We live in a retar…stupid time.
#HMBlog: XFL releases team names and logo's, Tampa Bay will be called the "Vipers"
Courtesy of the XFL
After a long wait the resurrected XFL football league named it’s team names, logos and colors this afternoon and our hometown squad will be called the Vipers. They released the info on Twitter this afternoon:
The other team names announced on Wednesday: New York Guardians, Dallas Renegades, Houston Roughnecks, Los Angeles Wildcats, St. Louis BattleHawks, Seattle Dragons and D.C. Defenders.
The Vipers will be “ready to strike” in February 2020 and will play it’s home-games at Raymond James Stadium.
#HMBlog: Alligators in Florida are an existential threat...
Floridian’s are a rare breed, we live in a state that wants us dead. The wildlife here is just that- wild. Our human garbage is up there with the best in the world. Florida Man is beloved nationwide spawning numerous social media accounts to tell the tale of our beloved state. Lately, Alligators have been in the news a lot. Technically the Florida Panther is our state animal but I think that when people think of Florida, they think the Gator…
A few months back a Gator broke into some woman’s home in Clearwater causing a bunch of damage and I thought, “huh, that’s crazy” but I’m starting to thing these beasts may be becoming an existential threat…
Last week, with all the heavy rain there was some reptile asswipe playing in the middle of Gandy Blvd. in St. Petersburg…
I thought, “wow, that’s crazy…” and then I’m scrolling though social and I see some menacing looking cold blooded killer climbing a fence in Jacksonville and I thought, “wow, we’re toast”. I used to be worried about civil unrest being the biggest threat to society but now I’m worried about these dinosaurs becoming self-aware, check out the video…
So yea, we’re dead. Kiss your loved ones and say your goodbyes before these killing machines obtain an AR-15 and start shooting illegal fireworks at us for laughs.
#HMBlog: Oaf of a security guard makes the best tackle so far at Buccaneer Training Camp...of a toddler.
Screenshot of a video from @Rickelodeon23 on Twitter
Kids will be kids and oafish security guards will be oafish security guards. Yesterday at Buccaneer Training Camp a kid and an oafish security guard found this out first hand. The youngster ran out onto the practice field as kids are want to do and was captured shortly after by an oafish security guard who made the tackle of the year on the young man. @Rickelodeon23 was able to capture it all on video, so let’s go to the tape!
Oof, poor little fella…and poor oafish security guard. That’s why you always have to keep your head on a swivel, boy! Consider this a valuable lesson learned…
#HMBlog: Largo: Dude heckles German wrestler at a WWE NXT event with a certain salute & the Internet reacts as you think they would.
WWE NXT’s Marcel Barthel who I am told is in fact not a Nazi but only looks like one.
I watched wrestling when I was a youngster. I survived the WWF’s Attitude era for God’s sake. Things are different though now, Donald Trump is the President & everyone is racist and stuff so people tend to be a little more sensitive these days. Marcel Barthel is a wrestler for WWE NXT which I guess is like the minor leagues of wrestling. He is not a Nazi I am told and only looks a bit like one. This past Saturday WWE NXT held their show at Minnreg Hall in Largo and some doofus threw up the Nazi salute at him as he entered the ring. This obviously went over as good as a fart in church and people got pissed, including Marcel who demanded the guy be thrown out. Other people took to Twitter (of course) to virtue signal their dismay:
So, yea, what an idiot. I don’t know what is in this dudes heart but if I had to bet, I would go with it was a joke that didn’t land and he was just messing around. There will be some people out there though that will reach the conclusion that this man is an actual Nazi and we should punch Nazi’s (or at least throw milkshakes at them as some irresponsible journalists have advocated for). So this poor moron’s face is all over the internet now (yes, this blog is part of the problem but shrug emoji) and I hope he doesn’t get murdered for his dumb joke but I guess that would make me a Nazi sympathizer & apologist…
#HMBlog: What the hell are those lights on the Skyway Bridge?
The Skyway Bridge is getting a makeover, it’s part of the Bridge Lightning Project and has an aim on both safety and aesthetics. The Florida Department of Transportation is in the process of adding 1,800 LED lights along the length of the bridge.
We want them to be proud of the bridge. We maintain this bridge, it's going to be around for another 50-75 years. Any new bridge that is built, lighting is already included and this bridge never had lighting, so this is just going to be really a signature bridge for the state of Florida. It’s going to be beautiful. -Kim Carson, Spokesman for the FDOT
The project is now in the final phases and they expect it to be complete this fall. The 15 million dollar price tag on it was paid for by toll fees according to Bay News 9.
Let’s be honest here though, it’s really just so authorities can find the bodies easier after another person jumps…
#HMBlog: St. Pete City Council Extends the Firestone Grand Prix of St. Petersburg Until 2024
The Firestone Grand Prix of St. Petersburg has been a huge success for the city & it continues to grow every year. I rode my bike down there for the last one and the streets were so packed it made me nauseous. You used to be able to go right up to the fence and kind of watch the cars go by for free if you’re cheap like me but they had it locked down this time, you couldn’t see anything unless you paid for a ticket and as much as I think it’s a cool event, I’m just not interested in watching a car go in a circle enough to pay to watch it. A lot of people are though so good news for you freaks. St. Pete City Council inked an extension to keep the Grand Prix in St. Pete until 2024. So unless you live downtown and have to hear these loud machine-beasts start belching sound for prelims at 7AM on a Saturday morning you’re probably pretty amped. This can be particularly problematic if you’re brutally hungover from the night before and then you’ll curse it’s existence but lucky enough for me, I got priced out of downtown and can enjoy my hangover in peace a bit more uptown. It’s a good amount of revenue for the city though and it is a cool event so whatever.
Here are the dates set for the next five races:
2020 race event: March 12-15
2021 race event: March 11-14
2022 race event: March 10-13
2023 race event: March 9-12
2024 race event: March 7-10
#HMBlog: ‘Daisy Mae,’ beloved horse of Tampa Bay Buccaneers rookie LB Devin White passes away
Sad news this weekend, Daisy Mae, Devin White’s favorite horse died from dehydration. He took to Facebook to share the news with fans:
That’s a bummer, man. Some good news for Devin though, he finally inked his first professional football contract this past Saturday, a 4 year deal. We’re happy to have you in Tampa Bay, Devin, and I hope cashing those fat checks can be some consolation. The Buccaneers open Training Camp on July 25th.
#HMBlog: The Internet is mad at comedian Dina Hashem for a premise involving murdered rapper XXXTenacion
Dina Hashem is a Muslim-American comedian. You’ve probably never heard of her unless you’re a chuckle-fucker or something along those lines. Well get this, she made a joke, as comedians are want to do and it involved a departed rapper named XXXTenacion, a mentally ill, woman beater who was murdered because he advertised that he had a bag containing fifty thousand dollars on him so some thug shot and killed him for it. It’s awful, really a waste of life, no one deserves that. He was a talented young man and it’s a shame what happened to him. So, Dina, being a comedian makes a joke regarding this tragedy as the premise. Keep in mind, the punchline isn’t his murder, she uses it to set up a punchline. No one is going to make fun of a man’s murder but these people are now tweeting out death threats to Dina and are either IQ deficient or purposely ignoring that fact because group-think gets things done (get’s people “canceled”). The joke in question:
Hashem stated in the clip, "Is anyone still mourning XXXTentacion? He’s a rapper, who was murdered, he’s dead now. He was shot, he was on his way to buy a car with $50,000 in cash and somebody shot him and took the money. Which is very tragic, but I also think it would be a very good Venmo commercial. That’s the first thing I thought when I heard that. Like, 'I don’t have Venmo, I should get Venmo.'"
Let me point out something too, comedy isn’t nice, it’s inherently mean. Sorry, but it is. I think John Cleese said that but I couldn’t find the clip online. It’s a tool to turn that negativity and meanness into something positive though which is why I have admiration for it. To make someone happy by using the “mean” is something special. It’s a contradiction, a glitch in the matrix. We found a portal into the great wide open here...
This is the currency of victimization being played out all over again- someone gets their feelings hurt, finds others online who are also mad, annoy the crap out of the person/company until they either go into hiding or the company they work for fires them and then the people who are mad take a ghoulish victory lap, very happy with themselves that they were able to ruin someones life. It’s really sadistic. The only antidote is for these companies and people to take a stand. It’ll be annoying for a few weeks but eventually these monsters find something else to be mad at and move along. She ended up apologizing on Instagram which is always a dumb move because when you give these people an inch, they take a mile. Just view the comments of these people in the post, they’re bitter ex-girlfriends…
So, yea, don’t apologize for someone misunderstanding what you say, because they probably did it on purpose or they’re stupid and you can’t reason with cretins. The thing that always blows me away is when comedian’s are the ones getting mad at other comedians for stuff. That is just dumbfounding. I don’t understand how they don’t realize they are going to say something eventually that is going to piss someone off and the mob will come for them, this is how it works now. Everyone has “their thing”….
The girl I work with went through it really bad; an out of context comment was posted online and the numbskulls circled the wagons. She had to go through countless hours of sensitivity training, make a public apology and the company gave the foundation free ad spots as tribute. Finally they were satisfied and called off the dogs. She didn’t even say what they said she said but it didn’t matter. They’ll come for you too eventually because everyone has “their thing”. Maybe there’s a certain word you don’t like and you demand that no one utter that word. That’s silly for a few reasons: (1) you can just find another word that means the same thing & (2) why do you get to decide? These people generally have no problem with other words that may offend someone else and use them often because it’s not “THEIR THING”.
Everything has to be okay or nothing is okay, that’s only fair. I vote for everything being okay, let’s give comedians the opportunity to make things funny, even the bad stuff. Laughing at horrible things and people is the best way to remove the power it or they hold. If laughter is the best medicine, open wide and take it. It may not always work but it’s worth a shot and better than nothing. Sometimes medicine’s have side-effects and the worst one from comedy is that you might be mad for a little while. Buck up, you’ll be fine.
#HMBlog: Tampa ranked Best City in Florida to live in by some weird website.
Some website called WalletHub (?) just named Tampa the Best City in Florida to live in Florida and the 15th Best City to Live in America! So…that’s pretty cool, I guess. I’m always weary of these just thrown together lists from seemingly arbitrary and subjective reasoning but apparently there’s some method to the madness here according to WFLA:
“The financial wellness company compared the 62 largest U.S. cities based on 56 indicators of attractiveness to potential residents.
With a data set that ranges from the quality of public schools and life expectancy to job opportunities and property taxes.
Tampa was ranked No. 4 overall for affordability, which included data such as the home-ownership rate, cost of living and median annual property taxes.
The city also had the fifth lowest crime rate among the 62 cities surveyed.”
So, uhh…yea that’s cool, I guess. Now all we have to do is not screw it up, SO DON’T SCREW IT UP!!!
#HMBlog: Indian Rocks Beach: Crazy lady uses an ice cream machine as a toilet, among other things.
(Photo: Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office)
Indian Rocks Beach, Florida - What’s more refreshing that a nice, cold, ice cream on a hot summer day? I’d say, not much, as you can probably tell from my physique. Now, imagine that the scoop that you scooped that ice cream with was sitting in a container that previously held some crazy Asian woman’s urine. Pretty gross, huh?
Well, meet Jung Soon Wypcha (pictured above), back on June 17th she was captured on film at a local convenient store using the facilities with the door wide open like any well adjusted person does from time to time. Then she headed over to a freezer containing cartons of organic ice cream. A video shows her opening the freezer and putting her hand into the ice cream containers, then picking her nose and sticking her hands all up in it like hungry bear grabbing the last berry from a small jar.
But wait! That’s not all! Police said this mental patient tried to use the restroom again on June 22, but the door was locked and she couldn’t open it, so she used a ice cream bucket, which is used to churn ice cream, to tinkle in. Then she dumped her pee-pee in a sink. Police said the sink was being used to wash ice cream utensils. After that, for good measure she put her hands inside the freezer again, but it’s unclear if they had been washed, I’m gonna go ahead and assume they were not.
It’s weird because Asians are pretty docile but Wypcha was arrested on July 8 for criminal mischief and violating Florida’s Anti-Tampering Act. Police said Wypcha’s actions caused the store to close and destroy approximately $2,000 worth of products to ensure public safety but honestly, they should probably just burn it to the ground, it’s completely soiled beyond redemption.
#HMBlog: St. Petersburg: ‘Floribama Shore’ cast-member arrested for flashing boobies & breaking car window.
Well, that didn’t take long. After the announcement a few weeks ago that MTV’s “Floribama Shore” was moving to the classy shores of St. Pete Beach after being displaced by the aftermath of Hurricane Michael, we have our first arrest! No, no one overdosed, but the season is still young. Nilsa Anderson, also known as Nilsa Prowant, was arrested Friday night in St. Pete after she flashed her boobies to a crowd and then kicked a car window out when being asked to leave a local watering hole. I’m assuming she was asked to leave for probably flashing her boobies at the bar before she flashed her boobies on her way out and got arrested for flashing said boobies.
According to the SPD, Nilsa was standing on a balcony at 260 First nightclub, located at 260 1 Ave N in St. Petersburg, when she called to the crowd below to get their attention and flashed her cans. Of course, as everyone knows, including Executive Producers of reality television programs, you’re not allowed to do that. She was then escorted to her car to leave the area when her behavior became “belligerent and erratic,” according to the arrest report.
Police say before she was driven away, Anderson kicked the rear driver side window, shattering the window and knocked broken glass into the street. This is also frowned upon, to say the least.
According to St. Pete police, she was charged with disorderly conduct and exposure of sexual organs. Anderson has bonded out of jail for a whopping 400 bucks.
I want to party with these people badly, any tips on how to do that, please contact me directly on the HMBradio Voice and Text line at: (813) 693-2124.
#HMBlog: St. Pete: Baby grazed by falling bullet on 4th of July
What the heck did I say about firing your guns into the air on the 4th of July?! DON’T DO IT, DUMBASS! No matter how many warnings authorities issue every year, we know it’s going to happen. Some drunk asswipe is going to fire off their gun and almost kill someone. Maybe there should be an IQ test to own a firearm, I don’t know. St. Petersburg police say officers responded to two reports of injuries or property damage due to celebratory gunfire on the Fourth of July and one of them was a two-month old baby that was grazed by a fallen bullet. It’s really unbelievable that people don’t get it by now. You ever see those videos of those Arab dudes just firing machine guns in the air during a celebration? It’s insane and an epidemic, apparently.
Anyway, the baby was treated for the superficial wound and released from the hospital, thank gosh. That could have gone way differently if the angle was just a degree in another direction. “These incidents serve as a reminder that celebratory gunfire is very dangerous and can cause injuries and property damage,” a spokesperson for the police department said.
So, again, don’t fire your guns into the air under any circumstances and if you do feel the need to discharge your firearm in celebration of some event, go ahead and put it to your temple first before you pull the trigger to spare us from your stupidity.
#HMBlog: Clearwater: Woman leaves a five thousand dollar tip to her waitress after a fight with her boyfriend...on his credit card.
Serina Wolfe, charged with grand theft. She is being held at the Pinellas County Jail on a $2,000 bond.
Ah, young love. What a better place to spend some time with your honey pot than right here in the Tampa Bay area, there’s so much to do and enjoy in town. Serina Wolfe, 24, from Buffalo, New York had her fill though and wanted to go back home to Buffalo…we can only imagine why, that town smells like chicken wings and the Bills locker-room (mostly sweat and disappointment).
After demanding that her boyfriend buy her a ticket home (the nerve) which he declined, she decided to hit him where it hurts, his credit report. She swiped his credit card and headed on over to the Clear Sky Cafe on Clearwater Beach, got wasted and left a five thousand dollar tip on the receipt. The credit card company called the restaurant to notify them of the fraudulent purchase but it was too late, the Cafe payed the server her money.
She denied the accusation but later confessed and handed over the credit card that she used. So that sweet revenge is going to end up costing her dearly. Wolfe was arrested and charged with grand theft. She is being held at the Pinellas County Jail on a $2,000 bond, not to mention the restitution she will owe the boyfriend and his credit card company. She’s 24, so I’m assuming the boyfriend is around that same age. I don’t know what I’m more upset at, her doing this or this young man having a higher credit limit that me at 34. Either way, I hope that waitress gets to keep the 5 grand, maybe she could take the boyfriend out to lunch?
#HMBlog: A Ybor City shop is on the hunt for their shoplifted horse fetus.
Image from Dysfunctional_Grace via Instagram
I’m not sure what’s more strange: a store selling a preserved horse fetus or someone wanting a preserved horse fetus so much that they steal it but that’s what the deal is because over the weekend, that’s exactly what happened. Dysfunctional Grace, a Ybor City novelty store took to social media to announce the heist and their desire to have it back:
Due to bad angles in the security camera footage, they were unable to spot the thief. Any information on the fetus should be directed to the store, call (813) 842-0830 (or email dysfunctionalgraceartco@gmail.com) . Now, I don’t want to make any assumptions and make any sort of generalizations of who may want a horse fetus but I’d be on the lookout a large, red, man with horns and hooves for feet. If that’s the case, then maybe just let him have it…
#HMBlog - Tampa Bay Rays explore plan to split home games between St. Petersburg & Montreal
ST. PETERSBURG, Florida - As if we needed any more reasons to hate Canada, the Tampa Bay Rays announced today that they are exploring a plan to play some of the Rays home games in Montreal. According to ESPN, MLB’s attorney’s gave the okay to the plan in which the Rays would play the first half of the season in St. Petersburg and the second half north of the border in Montreal. The Rays issued a statement on Twitter confirming the plan:
So, it’s come to this…we should have bombed Canada once the Raptors won the NBA title like I wanted but instead we’ll have to share our baseball team like some single mom because you people wouldn’t go to games. The good news is that now us Floridan’s have an excuse to go vacation in Canada to see our boys. I hope we drive slow in the passing lane and we won’t tip.
What do you think about the plan? Comment below & let us know.
UPDATE: The plan appears to be dead according to Marc Topkin of the Tampa Bay Times:
#HMBlog: Tropicana Field has a 36 minute power outage due to a fallen bird's nest.
Rays lose power for 36 minutes during the Rays-Angels game on 06/13/2019 at Tropicana Field.
It’s 2019, you can get your Amazon order in hours, send messages to your friends and family almost instantly with a computer that fits in your pocket and order a prostitute from an app but the power grid just hasn’t been figured out yet. Patrons at last night’s Rays game against the Angels had to deal with a 36 minute power outage (first world problem, I know) after a bird’s nest fell into Duke Energy’s Florida’s 16th Street substation three blocks away. I also lost power and my apartment for two minutes (don’t worry, I’m fine but it was a tough 2 minutes). The crowd pulled out their phone’s and turned on the flashlight between ordering prostitutes on the app and created a makeshift Van Halen concert which was pretty cool.
Even more impressive was the stout 15,000+ fans in attendance for the game, nice job community! No word on the baby birds in the nest but I think it’s safe to assume that they’re dead. :(
#HMBlog: MTV's "Floribama Shore" Season 3 to be filmed in St. Petersburg
I don’t know what this show is & I think if you’re over 30 you don’t either but I guess people do because it’s all over my Twitter feed today. “Floribama” is the panhandle of Florida but that won’t stop producers of this reality program of the same name because they’re filming season three in St. Pete Beach according to their official Twitter account:
So, uh, cool, I guess….
We all know that if there’s something else St. Pete Beach needs more of it’s drunken trash. Although, I’m also drunk trash a lot of the time and you probably are too since you live here so welcome aboard gang, let’s party!
#HMBlog: Woman arrested after throwing drink at Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz
Amanda Kondrat’yev mugshot or perhaps a candid of her thinking about cake.
Meet Amanda Kondrat’yev, a portly lady with a milkshake problem. No, this isn’t a fat joke, I swear. Amanda was arrested over the weekend for tossing a milkshake at Florida Congressman Matt Gaetz who kind of resembles a real-life, adult version of Nelson Muntz, doesn’t he? Amanda, who ran against Gaetz as a Democrat during the last election and took a big L seems to be pretty bitter about her defeat because she took up the new trend of dousing “far-right” politicians with a delicious milkshake. “Far-right” politician, from what I can tell is anyone who isn’t a registered Democrat. While Amanda looks like she wouldn’t dare waste a milkshake, missing out on the calories was more important for the noble cause of assaulting a fellow human being because we live in Bizarro World. She was arrested and changed with battery. How long before the milkshake phenomenon becomes bricks instead? Who knows, but I’m sure these people will have a good excuse for that too. Here’s a video of the incident in question:
#HMBlog: LOL Did This Lady Just Do The Cough-Slur at a Tampa City Council Meeting?
TAMPA- Carrie Henriquez, a legislative aide in the great city of Tampa had a bit of a frog in her throat at a recent City Council meeting. There was most certainly a cough as she walks behind Luis Viera…I don’t know who that is but I can assume he is a man and he is wearing glasses and he kind of looks like an asshole a little bit. This is a subjective opinion of course, I dunno, just something about his hair but I am a petty man. So yea, as she walks behind this fella she has a bit of a cough. She’s polite, covers her mouth and everything. Although, Carrie, you have to do the Vampire Cough if you really want to prevent the spread of germs in the workplace. This is simple stuff…
Anyway, she walks behind this dude and coughs- it kind of sounds like a word…a dirty word. A word that you may call someone who is an asshole. Some people are hearing “asshole” in the cough as she walks by. Luis’ face is classic after he she walks by. He has a look on his face like, “did this lady just cough-curse and call me an asshole?” She totally ripped this bit from Paul Rudd’s character in 40 Year Old Virgin but still, great stuff here, hilarious.
Carrie told the Tampa Bay Times that it was just a cough and nothing more but…this lady just totally called this Luis an asshole during a City Council meeting. What do you think? Can you hear it? Check out the video of the incident below: